Idaho 4

I woke early the day it happened. 

I am an avid fan of Newsnation even though I am English. I really like not just what they cover but how they do it. In a world of fake news I really trust the people who are reporting. Anyway sitting drinking my tea and having my toast there seemed to be a sketchy story coming out in a place called Idaho. I had only heard of the place from that film with Keanu Reeves and River Phoenix. I think I watched it once but I can't remember much about it. I wrote about what I was seeing on the news at the time. The way everything suddenly came together piece by piece, not just over the coming hours or days where the internet went crazy, about the grub truck, and the guy with cap, and who the hell was adam! I went down the rabbit hole. But some people had their lives ruined with rumors on social media.  And just about everyone that had ever spoken to any of the victims was a suspect. I learnt about 'door dash' and through YouTube was introduced to a group of normal, happy, I will call them kids, because that is what they were. Bundles of energy, emotion, excitement at what the future would bring. The photo that will hang in my mind forever as a perfect photograph of college youth. The five housemates and Ethan standing above them tall, his tiny girlfriend Xana tucked under his arm. And Maddie on Kayleighs shoulders proudly adorning her team on her jersey. Both with beaming smiles. And then on either side of the the four are the two room mates who, for whatever reason survived in body, but he killed a part of them that they will never get back. The death of innocence in such a brutal, yet what appeared controlled, contrived and completely unthinkable murder.

Who would enter this home and murder four students in their beds? But the question that everyone asked was why?

To me it was always obvious what the motive was. A houseful of girls, who loved their lives, who posted their lives on social media. Who were popular, accomplished. Just the sort of girls that would make certain people angry. Angry that they were not that way, that they were not that way, that they perhaps had no friends, perhaps they had been bullied, perhaps a woman had rejected them because they had no social skills and came across creepy rather than attractive. Their behavior would grow weirder over the years through loneliness and alienation, thus breeding the idea that the world was against them and that it was other people that had the issue. They would stalk pretty girls, who they would never dare speak to because they were so inadequate. They would be so pathetic in their existence that instead of looking into themselves they would seek to lash out at people that dared have a better life than them. They would love true crime. But not like most of the population who enjoy it to see justice for the victim. 'He' would watch to study methods. He would probably have killed or harmed animals. He may well be a virgin. 

I always thought that it was Kayleigh who was his target. Not that it matters. It such a tragic coincidence that she came back for the weekend to show off her new car. The car which would sit in the drive way outside the strange shaped, snow covered wooden house. I thought also that perhaps Kayleigh recent breakup would have been posted on social media, perhaps she had posted that she was returning. Since he seems to have scoped the place out and followed their movements wouldn't it make sense to launch an attack when Kayleigh was not there, if Maddie was the target? Also with Kayleigh came a dog, which again would surely be something that he would want to avoid. To this day I still believe it was Kayleigh. But like I said what does it matter? I think it only matters because it would be great for someone to just nail his motif. Because he seems to be very proud of himself. Its rather angering to see that he stared at all the family and friends, he should have been looking at the floor. How dare he look their way. He was always going to be someone who thought he could do more than his competency would allow. He thinks we are impressed as if he is suddenly going to be the next Ted Bundy, his face will be plastered in every text book and there will be shows made about this for years. But its not because of his crime it is because of the kids he killed. The beautiful, youthful, hopeful lives that were tragically and mercilessly cut short because he knew he would never get to go out with a girl like the ones he killed. The only way he managed to get in their room was to cowardly creep in, through the sliding glass door, that had only ever been used by welcome guests, coming for a good time. A good time that he could not feel, not because he didn't have friends, but because he is an 'incel', sociopath who thinks way to highly of just how average he is. 

Enjoy your new home Bryan!

One day I would like to dig out my notes and write further on this. This has been a crazy, awful time for the families, who have been asked to wait and wait and keep things secret, and not been allowed to hear details. And at the last hour the coward took a plea deal. It came out the door dash driver had seen him. I personally think he took it because he didn't want his parents to have to testify. But whatever the reason. All the time they have waited, preparing what are they supposed to do with the energy that they had trained for to get through the trial? The trial that they had planned out in their minds would be their path to justice. I don't know why the guy was given a plea? 

I wish the families and friends and the two survivors, who have been through times that I cannot fathom. God bless you, may you find peace within yourselves somehow, someday. May you start to enjoy the small things for the people that have been lost. 

Our late Queen Elizabeth II once said, of her beloved husband Philip - After all, grief is the price we pay for love